Hi everyone, Jo continues to rest and heal, each day he seems more aware of his surroundings. It is clear he is still uncomfortable from the tracheostomy. When he moves he often opens his mouth to cry but no sound comes out. It is painful to watch. Jo's vitals have been steady since Thursday's admittance in PICU. The surgery provided another layer of relief for Jo as he no longer labors to breath and his snoring has lessened significantly. He is off any sedative, uses no heavy pain drugs, and takes tylenol or ibuprofen when he is uncomfortable. All around great news.
Jo's right eye continues to open to a small slit often. He appears to be focusing on you in those brief moments, it lifts me up and crushes me in seconds. When I look in his eye I see amazing strength, a new sense of hope, as well as a struggle, frustration, and pain. I experience overwhelming joy followed quickly by a wave of despair. I keep my faith and try to pray away the pain, I say the lord's prayer about 15 times a day.
Dad is struggling to keep it together. The problem with Jo doing so well is the idle time I am left with. No big decisions, no advocacy needed, nothing I need to do. My thoughts consume me and I feel a dark wave overcome me. I try focus on the positives; Jo's progress, his tenacious fighting, his amazing rebounds after each setback, or his long periods of stability. Instead every picture, video, or even the sound of his voice haunts me and brings me to tears.
You see Jo is much more than just a brother or son. He is a great friend. He is the light in our eyes. He is pure joy. He is compassion, caring, and loving in private and funny, witty, and playful in public. He means so much to so many, he is so special.
I see him everywhere. The empty headphones on the coach. His scratched and dented cell phone on the shelf. His beat up old bike hanging in the garage. His idle go pro camera on the desk. His favorite Nikes laying in the hall. These things he loved so much, when will he need them again?
I've spent long moments staring into his half open eye wondering "can he see me?" I've never wanted anything more than Jo back. I'd give anything. I'd do anything. I've never felt this much pain.
There is so much more a could share, but it just hurts too much. I am doing my best to keep my faith, I need the lord's strength so much right now. I need Jo's smile, his laugh, and his touch so badly it causes physical pain. Jo is doing great, the Lord is bringing him back to us, the pain in waiting is overwhelming.
Jojobinks, mommy and daddy are here and we miss you so much. You are the missing link in our loving family, we need you back so badly. Keep showing the same strength you've showed your entire life. Let God's healing hands touch and heal you, come back to us Jojo, please come back soon. We love you to the moon and back sweet angel, you've got this.